George Bush

Praised be me.

Tue, 29 Apr 2003 19:29:28 GMT

*sighs*

Dear livejournal,
Sorry I haven't written lately. I've been busy.

*remembers snorting coke and lashing a naked Lynn Cheney with a cat o' nine tails while repeatedly screaming "Dance for me you fucking bitch!" and "I'm cumming into the oval office!"*

It's been a rough month and a half or so. Rumors abound that Saddam is dead. My personal grief is deeper than the public will ever know. I remember dancing with Saddam beneath the azure skies whilst visions of sugarplum-flavored edible condoms danced in our heads.

*sniff*

Goodnight, Saddam, whereever you are. Know that you are missed.

Life is getting worse.

Tue, 11 Mar 2003 05:51:10 GMT

I really thought that this was an appropriate course of action.

Now, alas, I am being criticized from all sides. And, as usual, on AIM.

Jehovah_the_Creator69: wtf?
GeeDubyaShrub: omg
Jehovah_the_Creator69: yeah
GeeDubyaShrub: whats wrong
GeeDubyaShrub: ?
Jehovah_the_Creator69: how many times have I told u peeple Thou Shalt Not Kill?
Jehovah_the_Creator69: *people
GeeDubyaShrub: I'm doing the lord's work by wiping out the threat to our country and our way of life
Jehovah_the_Creator69: lol dood
Jehovah_the_Creator69: stfu u fascist.
Jehovah_the_Creator69: i thought i made it clear back in exodus.
Jehovah_the_Creator69: thou art a bitch, and i hate thee.
Jehovah_the_Creator69: *smites thee with a rod of three cubits' length*
GeeDubyaShrub: Lord, give me the strength to kill small brown people for their oil
Auto response from Jehovah_the_Creator69 (10:31:26 PM): He is not here.

I just don't see this getting any better.

What the Future Holds for Saddam

Tue, 04 Mar 2003 22:30:54 GMT

I did a tarot card reading for iraq today:

The card in the middle of the circle represents the core or central issue of the situation. Nine of Wands (Strength), when reversed: Delayed preparations for an impending trial. Efforts compromised by traitors or saboteurs. The scattering of forces before the conclusive battle is fought. Ill health and faltering of the will.

The card at the bottom of the circle represents something you did to bring the situation about. Six of Wands (Victory): A sense of honor and satisfaction at the resolution of an important matter. Triumph after great struggle. Jubilation at the hearing of good news. The realization of hopes and desires.

The card at the bottom left of the circle represents your beliefs, impressions, or expectations. Justice, when reversed: Lack of balance, harmony and integrity. The suspension of action until a decision is made. Lawsuits and prosecutions. Unjust decisions and the consequences of those decisions. A turn for the worse in legal matters.

The card at the bottom right of the circle represents the most likely outcome of the situation given present circumstances. Queen of Wands, when reversed: The dark essence of fire behaving as water, such as steam: The natural embodiment of passion and sensuality, who will do anything to the be the center of attention. A seducer who calculatingly dons the guise of what others desire. A cocky and domineering person, who pushes anyone or anything aside to get what she wants. One who is vengeful and quick to take offense without good cause. May indicate infidelity and contempt for a relationship.

The card at the upper left of the circle represents the spiritual history of the situation the things you've learned. Two of Wands (Dominion): Established power and influence over others. Setting goals and a vision for the future. Coming to grips with the impact of past decisions, considering the current state of affairs, and developing a plan of action. Responsible leadership.

The card at the top of the circle represents the spiritual tasks and challenges of the present situation. Five of Cups (Disappointment), when reversed: Accepting a loss. Overcoming sadness and grief to get on with your life. Realizing the value of what you still have. Dissatisfaction gives way to a new hope and understanding. May allude to a broken relationship or tragedy. May also refer to a gift, inheritance, opportunity, partnership, or marriage that has fallen below expectations.

The card at the upper right of the circle represents the metamorphosis of the spiritual situation, and how your knowledge will evolve. Three of Cups (Abundance): A time of merriment and reflection spent in the company of friends and loved ones. The conclusion of a matter in plenty and perfection. The strength of a diverse community being brought together. May suggest a celebration, festival, anniversary, wedding, baby shower, or other joyous gathering.

The card at the left of the lower line represents the person or qualities that will sustain your spiritual journey. Page of Cups, when reversed: The dark essence of water behaving as earth, such as a wellspring: An unexpected new relationship that is childish and foolish. An idle dreamer oblivious to the realities of the world. Moodiness, sad reflection, and retreat from society. Seduction and deception in personal and business relationships.

The card in the middle of the lower line represents the qualities that you express in this circumstance. The Chariot: Victory through might. Advancement through bold action. Change through force. Order established through vigilance. A trying situation mastered by balancing opposing forces against each other. Discipline, individual effort and endurance will turn the tide.

The card at the right of the lower line represents the person or qualities that will reveal spiritual knowledge. Three of Swords (Sorrow), when reversed: Unsettling news that helps you to distance yourself from a destructive relationship. Painfully honest communication that needs to take place. Not letting yourself be dragged by your emotions into a negative situation. A trust or confidence betrayed in an attempt to help someone in need. The revelation of a painful truth.

I'm sorry, baby :-(

HEY! CAREFUL with my toys!

Tue, 04 Mar 2003 16:32:35 GMT

"An angry Washington hit out at North Korea for intercepting a U.S. spy plane at the weekend, a close call over the Sea of Japan that underscores the danger that a nuclear crisis could spiral out of control. " -- The Newspaper.

What the fuck is going on here? Why didn't anyone tell me I had spy planes? Why didn't anyone tell me that there was a nuclear crisis just sitting there, spiraling? Where the fuck is North Cholera, anyway? That near Charleston?

I can't believe that they would try and fly near my spy plane. That just pisses me off. If there's one thing I don't like, it's an uppity li'l yellow man trying to buzz my spy planes, when he should be back in the laundromats, or working on the railroads, or making them li'l Gin Sue knives.

Damn Chinamen.

Oh, horrible, horrible, most horrible!

Fri, 28 Feb 2003 16:20:16 GMT

Buffy is over :-(

I was sitting around on the 'net last night when iraq got on. I talked to him on AIM for a while, even though I guess he tried to change his screenname. I don't know why.

GeeDubyaShrub: hiya saddam
GeeDubyaShrub: hows it hanging
MercilessBrownMan69: Fuck.
GeeDubyaShrub: ?
MercilessBrownMan69: ....
GeeDubyaShrub: lol

And just then, another window popped up.

IAmYassirArafat: dood wtf?
GeeDubyaShrub: wassup yassir?
IAmYassirArafat: you are fucking weak man
IAmYassirArafat: go back to africa
GeeDubyaShrub: ? i am a texan
IAmYassirArafat: more muslims in africa
IAmYassirAragat: youll die sooner

Just when I thought it couldn't get any heavier, something very strange happened.

ChairmanMao: this is Mao
ChairmanMao: here me roar.
ChairmanMao: *rawr*
GeeDubyaShrub: ? i thought you were dead
ChairmanMao: the bullied never die. we just train new people.
ChairmanMao: enemies of the us will never die. we will never go away. this not bunch of small countries you have to defeat. this people that get stronger & angrier every time you bomb them. your not making your country proud, your signing death warrants.
ChairmanMao: remember vietnam?
GeeDubyaShrub: wtf? that was like a hundred years ago.
ChairmanMao: this vietnam2 and this time they have money and its on your soil.

Fucking commies. They always speak in riddles.

Wed, 26 Feb 2003 02:42:51 GMT

Another day, another few hours closer to ending half a million impoverished brown people.

I came into the oval office only to find the dog chewing on something. I think it must be Laura's, because I've never seen anything like it. It was about twelve inches long and looked like a rubber hot dog with a bit of a bulb on one end.

I have no idea what it was.

Oh, cruel fate.

Tue, 25 Feb 2003 06:49:55 GMT

I guess I'm just never going to get over iraq.

Damned Hippies

Tue, 25 Feb 2003 06:32:53 GMT

Fucking Blix. As Jesus is my witness, that man could fuck up a wet dream.

The Inquirer says that 11 million commiefagpinkojewhippies marched in protest last week. Some people just have no respect for what this country stands for. I'd like to grind them to a fine powder and snort them right off my shaving mirror.
Well, I guess we showed them yesterday. 2 000 loyal members of these Proud United States marched in Orlando. They even read something called the Guttisburg Address, which I guess goes to show they all support the United State Postal Service as well. Sounds like a real party. If I hadn't been out with Lynne Cheney all night, I might have attended. I tell you folks, Lynne may have a little snow on the mountain, but she's got a whole lotta heat in that microwave.

(Note to Self: Ask Colin about the "Guttisburg Address," and why everyone's always writing there, and who they're writing to. I hope he doesn't get indignant again. There's nothing I hate more than an uppity nigra.)

(Also: Order Lynne one of them "Hello Kitty" vibrators for while you're away.)